Why I would make a horrible teacher

Yesterday was Monday.  Monday's are always Monday-ish, and you never know really what you're going to get from a Monday.  I'm hoping that from here on out, you get a blog post from me every Monday.  We shall see on the success of that...  Monday's are a mystery, and random.  I want to share with you my Monday revelation...

I discovered I would make a horrible teacher to college Freshmen.  This is the scenario that played out in my head (I'm not sure why I had this whole scene in my head, but I did):

Me (as a teacher):  Please have your completed one page paper to me by the end of the week.  It shall be typed, double spaced, and free of grammatical errors.  Feel free to write on anything you would like.  (I'm almost 100% sure that if I were a teacher, I would have bluebirds flitting around me, singing songs of how wonderful I am.  I would also roll my R in grammatical.)

Student:  A whole page?

Me:  Yes, a whole page.  Just one page is sufficient for now.  It's a rough draft.  Just try to get your ideas on the paper.  It'll be a fun way to think outside the box.  Any subject, your choice.  (this is where I would be wearing a smile, encouraging this freshman like I would encourage a toddler to poop on the toilet.)

Student:  Does the section with my name, class, teacher's name, section, date, and title count as part of the page, or does it have to be one page without that information?

Me:  Just one page.  Your name and all other info will count.  I just need you to write an idea down on a piece of paper.  It should be a detailed idea, and fill a page.  (my smile has officially become fake, and my birds have stopped singing)

Student:  What do you mean by a detailed idea? 

Me:  (deep breath) What you want to write about, and the details of it.  (I spoke this whole sentence with my eyes closed, just to ensure that the kid knew I meant business)

Student:  Can I write about a car?

Me:  If-you-would-like-to-write-about-a-car, feel-free-to-write-about-a-car.  Just make sure that your one page paper includes descriptions of the car you want to write.  Be detailed in why you want to write about the car.  (maybe I had my eyes closed last time in an effort to keep them from bugging out, because they're bugging out now)

Student:  I don't really know if I want to write about a car.  But I can if I want to?  That's ok?  Will writing about a car get me an A?

Me:  I CAN'T BE SURE THAT WRITING ABOUT A CAR WILL GET YOU AN 'A' UNTIL I READ WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN.  (my birds have flown away now, I have no smile, I don't feel encouraging, I feel like punching this kid in the face)

Student:  I don't want to write about the car if I don't know it will get me an A.  What are some topics that will get me an A?

Me:  I DON'T HAVE A LIST OF "A TOPICS."  WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING.  JUST PUT SOMETHING ON PAPER, AND FILL THE PAGE UP WITH WORDS, SO WE CAN HAVE A DETAILED IDEA OF WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE ABOUT.

Student:  I feel like I need more guidance to ensure I get an A.  All I need by the end of the week is a one page detailed idea?  Will I get an A?

And that is where I would kick the student, thus making me a horrible teacher.

The end.
(disclaimer: this whole scenario is fake.  I repeat, fake.  I have not kicked any students.  I am not a teacher, nor plan to be a teacher.)